Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
