Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
