im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
