I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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