Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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