you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
