Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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