but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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