Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
