Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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