I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
