I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are all done wearing pants today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
