I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
