38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I looked at my own cervix.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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