tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
