Need sex. Gaining weight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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