smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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