K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I bet he comes in French.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
