Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
