My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
