my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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