But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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