i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
