i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
