So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
