I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Watching her eat just hurts me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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