He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
