I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
