His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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