and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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