If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
