dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
