She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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