bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
