oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
