I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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