The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
