yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
