You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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