I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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