She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
