yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
