the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
