I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
