I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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