I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
