Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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