I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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