he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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