I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
