Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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